6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What drink are we having for lunch?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
