thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
