flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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