Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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