At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
