and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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