New low: just hacked my moms facebook
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
