Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
