I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
