last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
porn star boner night. come get it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I forget how to act sober
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