She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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