Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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