Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
