I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
