1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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