I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
