That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
