roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My dick has a subreddit
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
