I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
ok first of all what the fuck
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
And then he peed in my hair
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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