call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
