Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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