fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
