drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
