This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
