i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
