Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
