I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so let's talk penis.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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