She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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