Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
