I want to stick my p in your. b.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
