dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
