Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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