My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
