I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
