bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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