my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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