a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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