I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
