i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
