He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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