Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
