i think i have two assholes
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
