I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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