Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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