We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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