im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
