he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
