I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
