Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
