I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
