What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
