I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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