Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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