She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Still dying that you shit outside
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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