I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
