dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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