the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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