If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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