I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
