Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
