so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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