I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize