If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
