Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hippo gnu deer
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
