So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
