Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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