Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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