Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
