normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
These tits shall not be calmed
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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