he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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