I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
