Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He has the fingertips of a God
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
