whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
