I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
