Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
