She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
