i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
