For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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